Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
