one might say we're banned from that church
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
