Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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