So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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