Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
