i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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