She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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