I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
