he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
