Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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