Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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