Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
