then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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