I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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