Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
