If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
