I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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