I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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