I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
