Cold hands, warm shart.
so that wasnt chicken after all
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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