my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
