I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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