what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
