Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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