Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
