physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
