Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
