Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
