My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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