Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
