I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
