I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
false alarm. still invincible.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
