I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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