so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
