I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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