its not stalking. its research.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
