But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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