its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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