i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
