He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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