I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
