I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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