don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
