Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we should paint friendship bongs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
