im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
