Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
