dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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