The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
