Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
