so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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