Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
