Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
