Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Still dying that you shit outside
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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